Help - WTF do I do about Ricardo Cabeza?

[Myrtle Hogan-Lance]

Greetings friends and Tinerfeños, and everyone else! 

We have a a new problem which I cannot figure out how to deal with.  We live in Tenerife, in a Canarian village, where no one speaks English, and we are known to all the neighbours, with whom I converse in Spanish.  OH does not speak Spanish but smiles and offer the occasional word.  We believe we have an excellent relationship with everyone we know.  The only problems we have had are the Jehovah's Witnesses (can't be bothered to look up what they are in Spanish) and the tyre valve covers being stolen (kids we think).  Even when walking the dogs down the street, and one of theirs takes issue with ours, or vice versa, it is too civilised for words, in absolute complete stark contrast to the UK where the effing and blinding would have drowned everything out and the punches would be thrown. 

There is one neighbour whom I will refer to as Ricardo Cabeza.  He lives in a flat diagonally across from our house.  We think he has a  bit of a mental problem; when we moved in, he knew we were there but continued to park in front of our front door.  Never a word was exchanged, and he eventually moved on.  When he washes his car, he arrays his carpets and so forth on the bench across the street to dry.  I guess we thought he was a bit proprietary, not to mention strange, because he was the only neighbour who would never speak nor acknowledge us. 

There is someone in his block of flats who plays really crappy music at full volume every Saturday morning, and at other times, but we don't think it is him.

So just over an hour ago, we were in the dining room, but due to the volume of crap music outside could not even hold a conversation.  Flats diagonally opposite are about 50m away.  I said to OH I was going out to investigate and have a word..... turns out Ricardo Cabeza was outside his place with his car stereo on full blast. 

I said Hola, smiled, asked if it was his music, and asked if he could turn it down because we couldn't hear anything in our own house.  Cue a tirade of abuse - full tilt, full of aggresion, full speed Spanish.  He accused me of thinking I was the owner of the street (the one I live on; his is perpendicular) and screamed at me for not wanting him to park in front of our house, something we have never spoken about.  He positively spat when I tried to reassure him we were neighbours and I was there as such, but could not hear anything inside my own house; he said I must shut my windows.  Ricardo said that if I had a problem with him I should contact the ayuntamiento.  At this point I should state that where I learned Spanish, in class, they never taught you how to argue.  Therefore my language ability is limited to trying to get along - my only tool and the one I employed.  Told him it was too hot to shut the windows, reiterated we are neighbours and I was there as such, to which he went up an octave, called me a cunt (coño) several times, and screamed because my dogs barked on the balcony. As indeed they have done over the past few days when it was hot enough to open the door wall to let them out.  They've been roundly disciplined by us every time, and brought inside, and the door shut.  (OH pointed out later that ALL the dogs in the neighbourhood bark on their balconies; this is actually new for ours.)  I told Ricardo that he could not speak to me like that, calling me a cunt.   He was rude in the extreme, and I left.

Crossing the street to go home, there was a guy walking down the road with a small (under 1 year) child, pointing at my balcony.  I asked him if he was pointing at our poster (for the fiesta) or dog, and he said 'el perrito', so I pointed out the other perrito on the other side of the poster and he and the child pointed and smiled.  I mentioned that our dogs had been barking, and he said he saw them last week, but what can you do? 

I never expected to get anything like a  lower-class British response to anything from a neighbour here in Spain, so am really shaken by Ricardo Cabeza's attitude and words, especially calling me a cunt.  In my experience, men here do not call women cunts.  So, I think he not only has mental problems, but is a psychopath. 

So, WTF do I do about Ricardo Cabeza?  When does he overstep a line when I can file a denuncia (which I have no idea about doing)?  Do I report him anyway?  I plan to speak to all neighbours in the coming days and report what he said to me in any case.

Over to you ChalkCatters..........

[Janet]

I'm thinking about the general problem, but meanwhile, the coño bit brings to mind a committee meeting Perikles went to (well, several committee meetings, really) where he was the only man with three other women. All of them, to a man (or woman) used coño routinely. One evening he came home saying he felt he had to go back to apologise the following day because he'd lost his cool - they were all on separate mobile phones while trying to hold a meeting. He did go back to apologise and they laughed. It seems that they only knew he was "involved" and serious when he actually started shouting.

I know that in English coño does have the crudest of meanings, but in my experience it's used here in a very different sense. Not only that, it's used very very often. I don't deny it's possible he was calling you a cunt, but I would think it far more likely that he was using it as emphasis, as an exclamation in the sense of "FFS" ...

[Myrtle Hogan-Lance]

Thanks Janet, but he was calling me a cunt in the ugliest fashion.

[Nova]

My manager uses the word coño in his conversations with me all the time, but it's as Janet says.  I'm sure you can tell the difference in the way it's said though, and if that's how he meant it, then that's a new one on me as most of the direct insults I've heard involve the word puta...

Surely you'd be able to file a denuncia against him already for the noise molestation if nothing else?  Have you spoken to the other neighbours about him?  If you get along well with them and they're bothered by him too, then it would strengthen and depersonalise your case to make the complaint together.

Excellent choice of pseudonym by the way 

[Guanche]

Me thinks you have met the village idiot! Treat him as such. The word 'Coño' can be a very grave insult or simply an innocent word of surprise. Every Spanish person I know uses it. I would have a word with the neighbours and see what they say. I suspect they will say 'Oh yea he's always been like that'
Personally having had some experience with the nasty older generation of Spanish men I would very quietly whisper in his ear (so no one else can hear) 'Vetete por culo hijo de puta cabron' Smile and walk away But make sure you can say it like a native....with venom!
Again in my experience most of these types are all piss and wind and when you stand up to them they fade away like a Lilly at bed time.
Other than that just pay him no notice

P.S. One point I forgot to mention, your a female and therefor a lesser person. This would add to his venom as in 'how dare a woman complain to me a man!!!

[Guanche]

Just been told off by the wife. She thinks my advice is not the best. Just have a word with the neighbours feel the ground and then if you feel secure make a denuncia.

[El Profesor]

I've got some colourful neighbours and I won't comment on the way neighbours rub each other up the wrong way, lets just say that there are a lot of arseholes in the world.

But I will say that you are completely mistaken about the word coño. As Janet and Nova have suggested.
Swear words are a very interesting aspect of language. People are usually completely unconscious of the specific meanings of the words they are saying, they are an expression of emotion or sentiment. Nobody thinks of actual arseholes when they use that word.

Also the literal meaning of the word usually has nothing to do with the use, context or sentiment involved.

For example, the common insult "bastard" can not be translated as "bastardo". The literal meaning is the same but although someone would feel insulted by being called such in Spanish, it just isn't used as a common insult. To translate the exact use and same sentiment of bastard into Spanish you should use the word "cabrón".
But you wouldn't get much more than a laugh in England calling someone a "Billy goat".

So with swear words and insults (and indeed most aspects of language) you want to look at the use and the sentiment of the word/expression. And I can assure you that this person was not calling you a cunt, although it does sound like he was quite irate.

Coño is used in Spanish (certainly in this part of the world) as a fairly light weight intensifier, quite acceptable to use with children. I would say that it is along the lines of "bloody" or  "hell".
As in -
¿Quién coño crees que eres tú? --- Who the hell do you think you are?
Or even a genial friendly -
¿Qué coño haces aqui? --- What the hell are you doing here?
It can sound like it could be an insult when stuck on the end of an utterance -
blah - blah - blah ... coño --- but this is only a bit like - blah - blah - blah ... for Christ's sake, or even ... for fuck's sake.
But you were most definitely not being called a cunt, it doesn't carry anything like that weight and simply isn't used like that. You wouldn't say "eres un coño" any more than you would say "you are a hell".

However you certainly have a grumpy neighbour, possibly racist, looking for a fight.
But I don't think he was insulting you nearly as much as you assumed he was.

[Myrtle Hogan-Lance]

Thanks all for the replies which were variously hilarious (Guanche) and informative (in particular El's).   

The guy isn't called Ricardo Cabeza for nothing and I can only hope he got it out of his system.  He does not want to take me on.   

[Perikles]

This kind of moron is to be found everywhere - I had one in Wales who hated all English. He claimed that the Welsh were more intelligent, despite the fact that he was illiterate and had a police record. Nor could he speak Welsh. I found the best way was to be ridiculously friendly and pleasant, so that when he shouted "F*** off you f****** English C***" which he did quite often, I would laugh or smile and comment on the Welsh sense of humour. This would drive him to apoplexy.

Love thine enemy - it will drive him nuts!

[Michael]

This kind of moron is to be found everywhere - I had one in Wales who hated all English. He claimed that the Welsh were more intelligent, despite the fact that he was illiterate and had a police record. Nor could he speak Welsh. I found the best way was to be ridiculously friendly and pleasant, so that when he shouted "F*** off you f****** English C***" which he did quite often, I would laugh or smile and comment on the Welsh sense of humour. This would drive him to apoplexy.

Love thine enemy - it will drive him nuts!

I used the same technique myself in my retail days. If a punter had dished out a lot of abuse, then a smile and 'have a nice day' would often push them over the edge. Priceless.