Casting call for Ron Howard’s remake of Moby Dick to be filmed in La Gomera

[Michael]

The wizard of Vera De Erques! 

[Myrtle Hogan-Lance]

When, all of a sudden and to no one's surprise given that he could hear a cork pop anywhere in the Canary Islands, in walked the pirate's next door neighbour, a native to the island, with half a donkey!  Two halves united into a whole donkey, the neighbour poured himself a tall measure and aided the pirate in the telling of the story of the wizard of Vera.  After all, the wizard had been his great uncle.  The only small trouble was that the neighbour had arrived 18 sheets to the wind, so his contribution was nearly unintelligible.  Nevertheless, and somewhat troubling given the audience, the pirate could talk the leg off a donkey and carried on to relate the time the wizard...

[Perikles]

.... agreed to sell his motorbike for the sum of 587,432 medium-sized potatoes. Bad feeling was later generated by lack of contractual detail, such as whether the purchaser could take possession of said vehicle after a down-payment of three King Edwards of dubious size and colour. Despite the vendor being convinced of the honesty of the purchaser, he also knew that said purchaser was capable only of a dodgey salute and weak handshakes because alcohol had reduced his already limited linguistic abilities to zero. The vendor guessed that allowing him to drive off in that state would also reduce the probability of getting any more potatoes, or handshakes, to absolute zero. Fortunately, the purchaser agreed to provide 587,479 more potatoes before taking possession of any hardware, a decision precipitated by being unable to find said machine despite falling over it during negociations.

Meanwhile, it is reported that the hunting season has started. Because rabbits are scarce, Vera can report an enterprising iniciative which has resulted in the sound of shotguns interspersed with curious chicken-like noises.

[Myrtle Hogan-Lance]

Then, Nova and Myrtle looked at each other, deeply into each other's eyes....

This movie is about us!  Why is it being hijacked by a pirate, two halves of a donkey and a dodgy neighbour? 

Clenching hands, they left their seats and....

[Nova]

.... drove their car off the edge of a cliff? 

[Myrtle Hogan-Lance]

No!  We're the stars of the movie.  We're not going to die.  Think of the next twist, throw it out, and let someone catch it and go on. 

Personally, I think Nova and Myrtle left the cave, turned to each other in relief, and either ...

- went on a hike with Cyberhiker
- decided to have a piss up in Las Galletas
- headed for the airport, intent on finding someplace fun to be

OK?

[Nova]

Sorry, it was when you said we clenched hands, I couldn't resist 

[Janet]

 

Here we go again ... have just had to post the following on my website ...

Just to clarify, I have posted this as information, and as I say in the post below you turn up at a particular place at a particular time. There is no "application", and it is in any case nothing to do with me. PLEASE DO NOT CONTACT ME ABOUT THIS CASTING.

[Nova]

Oh dear 

[Michael]

Here we go again ... have just had to post the following on my website ...

So you can't help me get the part of the whale then?